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crarant wrote:Hi, I just found these boards. I have just finished my second month of massage school and I am finding that I'm having some unexpected issues crop up in relation to a bad experience I had almost three years ago.
I was raped by an acquaintence. At the time it didn't even feel like a big deal because I had just gone through a bad breakup, and survived a suicide attempt. I had been put on new medication, one of which was very sedating, and he took advantage of that, despite my repeatedly saying no and trying to push him away. I didn't really deal with it much at all, because the other issues I was dealing with at the time were far too big for me to want to worry about anything else, so I stuffed it down and tried to forget.
Now that I'm in school I'm finding that the experience is rearing itself again. Not so much in relation to actually being worked on, or working on others, but Ethics class has been really hard on me in some unexpected ways. I'm also really scared of starting clinic next term. I've asked the massage instructor to pair me with my male classmates because I still have a lot of anxiety around working with men, but she has only done so once and we only have two weeks left in this term. I didn't tell her about the rape. I did tell her that I've been working as a manicurist for the last 8 years and working with men is really outside of my comfort level right now, but that I wanted to be secure with it before starting clinic. She said she would keep it in mind, but she has still just paired me with women, and I'm kind of freaking out.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this?
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