what to do???

[vgambini]

I have been getting massages for about the last 10 years (can't even imagine the $$ I must have spent!!!).  But recently, I've started having issues while on the table.  <br><br>Without being too graphic, I'll just say that I seem to get overly excited--beyond the point of no return--and it's not like I'm a teenager.  I'm in my 40's.  <br><br>This has only happened about 3 times, but each time I've been so INCREDIBLY embarassed that I have to find a new therapist.  My biggest fear actually is that they'll notice what's happened after I've left and think that I "took care of business" after they were done--while I am getting dressed. <br><br>I have tried the obvious, which is to take care of things just before going to my appointment, but still sometimes I have problems.  I've started avoiding massages lately to spare myself & my poor MT the embarassment.  <br><br>I'm not really looking for an answer to this problem (although if anyone has one, I'd love to hear it).  What I am wondering is if this has ever happened to anyone else or if I'm the only one who has to deal with this.  I'm sure arousal is common, but arousal to this point???  <br><br>I've been going to the same MT now for a while (I've had about 10 massages from her), and she does a great job.  I'm so afraid I'll have an accident and that'll be the end of it.  

[theragirl]

I assure you this reaction is quite normal and has to do with the way the nervous system works. Look up on the autonomic system particularly the SNS part of the nervous system. I also assure you that we as massage therapists are quite aware of this possibly occuring so no we are not going to think your a pervert.

[Staggnant]

Perhaps you could ask your massage therapist to apply more pressure, as to attempt to not cause an arousal? Maybe you could also try going to a male massage therapist to see if you still have the problem?

[boofdorf]

  Massage therapists deal with people from all walks of life, each with their own situations, baggage, maladies, fears, joys, and attributes. Some MTs are better able to accept certain clients better than others. Trained Massage Therapists want nothing to do with clients in a sexual manner (and most would lose their job/licence/certification/etc. from engaging in such behavior). There are a number of female MTs that will not work on males out of fear of having your type of situation occur on their table. <br>   Just as everything occurs under the sun in human events, your situation is probably shared by others. The root causes could be physical, mental, or a combination of the two. The nature of what is happening could be a reflection of your own personal life regarding relationships or past history, or could be a reflection of some physical condition. Either could be explored through psychological or medical help.<br>   If your asking here is truly in the spirit of finding help or solace then there are a few things to mention. If your intent is only to offer titilation, then I would ask that you would look elsewhere. As Staggnant has offered, it may be advantageous to try a male MT. If the female MT you are currently seeing is someone you want to continue with, you may wish to discuss your concerns in advance and explain that if you feel arousal in the future that you will self monitor and temporarily sit up from the table or ask what course she would like you to take to break the cycle. (It may mean not having her work in certain areas or with certain touches if there is a clear place or touch that triggers you). Know that sharing this info may encourage her to ask you to look for another MT. But if it is someone you have a positive client-therapist relationship then giving her a forewarning and asking for help may keep you with her in the long run. <br>   In general, arousal of some form does seem to occur to a number of clients at some time on a massage table. Having it be a regular occurrance does not seem to be a statistical regularity for the general population, and, as mentioned, may be a sign to seek professional consultation. Massage is too good a thing to just give up.

[jyoti]

I agree with what's been said, and I'd like to add that there's a difference between a client who's in it more for sexual gratification and one who's in it for therapeutic benefit.

The former tends to give off a weird vibe, tug the sheets up or down to expose certain areas, move/squirm certain ways, make strange comments, or even strange suggestions, etc. The latter is genuinely interested in healing and, like vgambini, often very embarrassed. This is unfortunate, because he's unable to completely relax.

How I handle it is this: arousal is normal, and quite acceptable. I expect my clients to view me as a healthcare professional and not ACT on the urges that might've gotten stirred up. If they simply lay there and relax, then that's totally fine. I discuss this with my clients during the consult for the first appt, and I offer them the suggestion that if they become aroused and subsequently embarrassed, then I have several towels I keep handy to throw over the area (which is already draped with a sheet). That way, my male clients are less self-conscious and it's out-of-sight, out-of-mind for the therapist.

Just my .02
Hugs,
~Jyoti

[ace88]

If this is a honest post.....
As a male client, I've had hundreds of massages, and probably only got aroused 4 or 5 times, and only once significantly where I felt uncomfortable. However, never have I been in danger of releasing anything on the sheets/table, if that's what you are saying happened.

My feeling is this. Massage therapists are trained to deal with clients getting aroused. They know how to professionally drape you, and to most, it's really not an issue, just a normal biological thing that happens. It's not an issue unless you make it an issue, which I would absolutely advise not to. I try to think of them as a doctor, which helps me. Is there a certain area (stomach, hamstrings, glutes) that is responsible for this reaction? Maybe you have her skip that area. Learn some yoga type breathing to help you relax. Have your massage later in the day, not early, when a reaction is more likely. Don't get a lot of sleep the night before so you are good and tired, a little less awake.

[melb]

My biggest fear actually is that they'll notice what's happened after I've left and think that I "took care of business" after they were done--while I am getting dressed.

How about keeping your underwear on? Then if anything happens it won't be left behind on the sheets.