homophobia

Discussion area for male practitioners on issues and topics related to their practice.

Moderators: Pete, JasonE

Post Reply
User avatar
Foramenmagnus
Fresh Hands
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:22 pm
Location: Ft. Myers Fla/ Kansas City KS

homophobia

Post by Foramenmagnus » Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:50 pm

Now granted most homophobs are not gonna allow a man to massage them but this is an actual issue for me. The great shcool I am attending now, rejected me in the early 90's because I was a strait man.
One of my classmates wouldn't partner with me in basic swedish (the most superficial massage). He of course is there for "sports " massage but how do you help a client move past that ( and really i guess also making a women feel comfortable with energy bonding on a profesional basis)
But most superficially any advice on letten a dude know Hey man it's just a fricken massage?
I've experienced many things in my life. Some of which really happened.-- MARK TWAIN

nolalmt
Registered Member
Posts: 127
Joined: Mon May 19, 2008 7:09 pm

Re: homophobia

Post by nolalmt » Thu Jun 05, 2008 12:11 am

Foramenmagnus wrote: The great shcool I am attending now, rejected me in the early 90's because I was a strait man.
I'm sorry, I can't get past this statement to answer your question. What does this mean? You're saying a school rejected you because you are straight? Seriously? :smt017

User avatar
palpable
Registered Member
Posts: 1226
Joined: Sat Feb 05, 2005 4:58 pm
Location: northeast u.s.

Post by palpable » Thu Jun 05, 2008 5:00 am

The clients who will not schedule with me based on gender are not my clients. There are plenty of clients out there who are "my" clients. Those are the ones to focus our energy on.
Move on as quickly as you can to people who get you and what you do. -Robert Chute

User avatar
cstbrian
Registered Member
Posts: 569
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 7:12 am
Location: Northampton, MA
Contact:

Re: homophobia

Post by cstbrian » Thu Jun 05, 2008 5:01 am

Foramenmagnus wrote:Now granted most homophobs are not gonna allow a man to massage them but this is an actual issue for me. The great shcool I am attending now, rejected me in the early 90's because I was a strait man.
Wow. That blows me away. What did they actually say to you?

Foramenmagnus wrote:One of my classmates wouldn't partner with me in basic swedish (the most superficial massage). He of course is there for "sports " massage but how do you help a client move past that ( and really i guess also making a women feel comfortable with energy bonding on a profesional basis)
But most superficially any advice on letten a dude know Hey man it's just a fricken massage?
From my perspective, in the 'real' world (not in school) I don't focus my time on trying to change guys minds. It's not worth my time. There are so many other people out there (male and female) that want a massage regardless of therapist gender; I'd rather focus on getting them into my practice.

I am having a hard time with the classroom issue. First, if this person is in massage school he must know (on some level) that this is non-sexual, therapeutic work and having a male classmate practice on him shouldn't matter.

Second, is he ok working on other men? Is it just about receiving work from another male therapist? I'm curious because if he is going to 'specialize' in sports massage, he'll probably have other men calling him for work.

Third, what kind of school is this? First they don't let you in because you are heterosexual? Then this happens. Was there anything said about this or was it perfectly ok that he didn't want to work with you? Is it regular practice in this program for people to refuse to work with someone else? How is it handled by the faculty?

Brian
Brian

"Life isn't about finding yourself ... life is about creating yourself." George Bernard Shaw
"When we try to control that which is out of our control, we become an incredibly anxiety prone society." Dr. John Upledger

User avatar
Foramenmagnus
Fresh Hands
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:22 pm
Location: Ft. Myers Fla/ Kansas City KS

lemmie try to clarify

Post by Foramenmagnus » Thu Jun 05, 2008 3:23 pm

OK first of all, I didn't expect stuned responces and probibly could have worded the whole thing better. The fellow student in question IS a great guy just kinna "A tough guy" where touch usually was preformed with a clenched fist. The school is great and in the early 90's in the midwest there was a culture of "massage" meaning "adult massage". Our teacher was great and did nothing, very important at this stage of our learning (his). But that said, and i have no resentments or anything about this, I was wondering what the best way to remove sexual tension from a client might be? Actually as a man I'm sure the issue will come up some time in my professional carrier.

as a P.S to this same post I found out a friend of a friend who is a professional has to spend alot of time "screening" his messeges for people wonder just what kind of massage he offers.


Dern tough trying to be a man in a womans world :)
I've experienced many things in my life. Some of which really happened.-- MARK TWAIN

User avatar
JasonE
Moderator-S.S.S
Posts: 2247
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2007 9:12 pm
Location: Burnsville, MN
Contact:

Post by JasonE » Thu Jun 05, 2008 6:57 pm

Remember that the issues you will face are not about you personally. Some people won't intially be comfortable with male touch regardless of your intent. The more someone seems worried/skittish about having a male therapist, the more important it is for you to remain a calming presence.

It's kinda like dealing with a scared little kitty cat. You stay very calm and talk in a soothing voice until it settles down enough to let you touch it. Once it realizes your hands are soft and gentle and safe, it relaxes completely and really enjoys it. :)

If the scared kitty cat runs away without letting you touch it, that's okay. It'll eventually find someone else that suits it better.

One of our male therapists is a big guy. Though some people might find him intimidating at first, he has a great "teddy bear" vibe that people really respond to. Today he saw a client that avoided male therapists for years. She was a little nervous, but decided to trust us and give him a shot. Afterwards, she floated out to the reception desk and RAVED about how good he is! His gentle demeanor unarmed her, and she was able to really enjoy his skillful work. Now she plans to see him again! :D
Jason Erickson, NCTMB, ACE-CPT, AIS-TA
Massage Therapist, Personal Trainer
http://www.CSTMinnesota.com

Internet forums are like going to the zoo; if you get enough monkeys together, sooner or later someone will start throwing their poo.

NaplesLMT
Registered Member
Posts: 65
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:20 pm
Location: Naples, Fl

Post by NaplesLMT » Sun Jun 08, 2008 3:02 am

I have found that recommendations from others to be the best way to get people to want a massage from you. Word of mouth advertising is the best. If you are in a spa setting, give the coworkers massages including nail techs, esthticians, especially the chatty ones, they will talk you up. First, the front desk staff, they can honestly recommend you then. In private practice enlist your clients by asking for and rewarding referrals. I think that many people can be swayed when they think everyone else approves.
Naples LMT

User avatar
michiganMT
Fresh Hands
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 9:43 am
Location: trying to find my copy of "Trail Guide to the body"... it's here somewhere

Post by michiganMT » Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:47 pm

it's all about intent. (or so i'm told) if you get it accross that you are a professional and that you provide ethical massage then any one looking for professional ethical massage will be all about it. unless there looking for something else... *raises eyebrow* ;) :lol:

I figure keep up a good rep and make the right friends in the area and people will take you seriously... one would hope so at least.

bassio
Fresh Hands
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 6:46 am
Contact:

Re: homophobia

Post by bassio » Fri May 29, 2009 7:29 am

I agree with Napleslmt, referrals are where it's at. You win people over with your professionalism and the quality of your work.
Timescape Therapeutic Massage - Cincinnati Massage Therapist

User avatar
holistichealer
Registered Member
Posts: 277
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:06 pm

Re: homophobia

Post by holistichealer » Thu Jun 04, 2009 6:57 pm

I am really glad I saw this post. I know that this is something I will see when I start out. (I have decided to go back to school after I finish my MBA degree) There is a local community college here that has a great certificate program and I will be ready to sit for the national exam. Again, this was a great thread that I think every guy needs to read.
"Tell me I'm frozen
But what can I do?
Can't tell the reasons
I did it for you"---Within Temptation "Frozen"

DRRX2009
Fresh Hands
Posts: 12
Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 6:38 pm

Re: homophobia

Post by DRRX2009 » Mon Jun 08, 2009 5:15 am

Wow...I go to school in NYC, and they emphasize that it is against the law to refuse anyone unless you specifically state your demographic.

But in school, you basically have no choice but to partner up with anyone who needs a partner. That guy in your class might be cool or whatever, but he's not "so great" if he can't just "man up" and work with a fellow student. You do have just cause to complain to your professor and/or the dean if he refuses to work with you based on your gender.

And he's in school for "sports massage" and won't work with a man? From what I've noticed, males seem to want sports massage more from other males because they may feel that a man's touch is deeper and stronger or whatever.

Hope you'll be able to rub a clue into him.
Just call me X.

kat
Fresh Hands
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:43 am
Location: Hawkesbury, Ontario, Canada

Re: homophobia

Post by kat » Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:08 am

After 15 years as an RMT I have always found that even though it may take a little longer for a male therapist to build a clientele... his clientele is extremely loyal.
It's like me fighting the stereo type that 5'2" and female can't give deep tissue... they all learn:)

User avatar
Foramenmagnus
Fresh Hands
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:22 pm
Location: Ft. Myers Fla/ Kansas City KS

Re: homophobia

Post by Foramenmagnus » Sun Jul 05, 2009 9:38 am

Well I started this thread over a year ago and was very pleased to re-read all that contributed. Needless to say I have grown as a therapist in the last year of school (crazy events but that is anouther story). Thank you all that wrote posts and I hope we have done some good here.

User avatar
tranquilspirit2006
Registered Member
Posts: 667
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 7:59 pm
Location: Mid Atlantic region

Re: homophobia

Post by tranquilspirit2006 » Fri Nov 06, 2009 7:54 pm

Heterophobia? I was talking to several gay guys I know recently and they all said they would only want to get a massage from a male. I wasn't offended (everyone has a preference) but I was curious. They all said that men would know a man's body better than a woman. Just as a female might prefer a female OB/GYN, they felt that only a man would know how to massage a man's body as they 'know'. I thought it was funny because *everyone* has muscles, lol. But discrimination can work both ways. However, that does mean more clients for the guys out there, so there's one good thing anyway.
"Now you're looking for the secret... but you won't find it, because of course you're not really looking. You don't really want to know."

User avatar
RelaxandRejuvenate
Registered Member
Posts: 1919
Joined: Tue Oct 05, 2004 5:06 am
Contact:

Re: homophobia

Post by RelaxandRejuvenate » Sat Nov 07, 2009 4:25 am

tranquilspirit2006 wrote:Heterophobia? I was talking to several gay guys I know recently and they all said they would only want to get a massage from a male.

We see this a lot in our hotel business.
tranquilspirit2006 wrote:But discrimination can work both ways.
Not in current society...when a majority expresses a preference against a minority, it is discrimination. When a minority expresses a preference against a majority, it is a noble right. Jesse Jackson has been quoted as saying an African American can't be a racist, twisted logic that is supported by the media and a society that savages anyone who disagrees.

I have never understood the vehement gender preference of massage therapist. The only rationale I can find for so violent a stand against same gender MTs by men is that they still, somehow, deep down connect massage with sex and their sexual identity.
Smithers: "Sir, I'm afraid we have a bad image, people see you as a bit of an ogre." Mr.Burns: "I ought to club them and eat their bones!"

Post Reply

Return to “Massage - The Male Practitioner's Perspective”