How do you know if you're burning out?

[Elliemare]

Thanks Dr. Lara! I do think there is something going on physiologically too. I have a hard time finding any pain meds that work for me, and most anti-inflammitories don't do the trick either. Strange thing is antihistamines relieve my pain! Isn't that strange? I wonder what that is all about?

I do live with a person (my husband) who is not in very good health, does not take care of himself and is depressed and fatigued most of the time. I never considered him as a source of energy sucking, but I suppose he could be.

You've given me a lot to think about! Thanks!

[Timedess]

I am very glad you are finding some solid direction, Ellie!

[Elliemare]

I am very glad you are finding some solid direction, Ellie!

Me too! I'm feeling better already

[Timedess]

I am very glad you are finding some solid direction, Ellie!

Me too! I'm feeling better already

Hee hee- that alone means you're on the right track! I'm sorry to see you leave (partially) bodywork; but I also know that we ourselves won't be doing this "forever". You're not quitting, you're retiring, and there is a huge difference between the two!

[maestra]

You''re not quitting, you're retiring, and there is a huge difference between the two!

And I don't necessarily view it was retiring as much as "diversifying" since she might want to keep up with things in the massage world. LOL

[Elliemare]

You''re not quitting, you're retiring, and there is a huge difference between the two!

And I don't necessarily view it was retiring as much as "diversifying" since she might want to keep up with things in the massage world. LOL

Right on! I really had a hard time convincing myself that retirement, does not mean failure. Since I've started using the term retirement rather than "quitting", "burned out" etc, I have a whole new outlook on the future! I'm not quitting, I didn't fail in this business, I'm am just diversifying!

[pueppi]

FWIW, I have a friend who has been on sabattical for about three years now. I think just a few weeks ago she saw a client. And, she is not gonig back into practice, but did it more because she felt like this client who called her would be someone she had the energy to put into. She still keeps her website up and intact, along with her contact number. I am just not sure what she tells people when they call. Probably, just, "I'm on sabbatical right now."

Now, I am wondering... so I'll ask her next time I talk to her.

[Elliemare]

Maybe this retirement will just be a sabbatical for me, or maybe I'll still do the occasional house call and volunteer. I just know that I have to take the "business" aspect out of the business and get back to doing massage because I love it, not because I need the income. I'll find another source of income.

I'm frustrated however, because I promised myself that I would stay on at this spa until the end of the year. I've been able to tolerate the petty crap that comes with the spa industry because I know in the back of my mind that this is not forever. The end of the year seems like a lifetime away some days! I don't know if I can make it!

I have to be on call at this spa 40 hours a week to get between 10 and 20 hours of actual work. The spa owner is great. Her mean old mother who helps with the front desk is another story. I wouldn't be surprised if that woman chases both clients and employees away, but no one will complain to the owner since this woman is the owner's mom!

All I can say is this lady sure has some way of improving moral around the spa.... She's unprofessional, demeaning and she's a constant reminder of why I don't want to be in this business at all. She's constantly harping at someone about something, has a perpetual scowl on her face and acts like the tiniest mistake someone makes is the end of the world. She complains about how hard she works, but if she sees a therpist stretching or yawning between clients she makes snide remarks about how "Your days not over yet!" or "Wait til black friday, then you'll see what a busy day is really like!" I'm not an indentured servant, but she treats me like one.

I've paid my dues in this industry and this woman could be the final straw that breaks this camel's back. Some days, just one smart remark from that woman nearly sends me out the door for good. I guess this is partly due to the fact that I know I'm just done with this business, I'm literally at my breaking point. I'm trying so hard to keep it together for a few more weeks/months, but its getting tougher every day!!

[maestra]

I know that kind of stuff can be annoying and demoralizing Elliemare when someone you work with seems to constantly bring you down, but you can't change other people. I've had a similar challenge where I work, and I've been there nearly 5 years.
We can only change ourselves... and even that is really really hard.
I don't know why she treats me (and sometimes others) how she does, but it sure is hard to deal with at times!
I decided to try to deal with it by "killing with kindness."
It seems to be working a bit too. Maybe that would help for you?
I just try to send her as much love and compassion as I can.

Maybe take a minute to find out what makes her job difficult? Maybe it's as simple as determining what her favorite treat is, and bringing it in once in a while? I know this, the attitude of the person at the front desk definitely affects the rest of the spa staff. Spa owners need a good team for their business to run successfully. And the receptionist/front desk person is a key member of that team. The MTs where I work are expected to pitch in with some of her duties if she's checking out a client or on the phone, etc. Could you ask if there is something you can do to help her out? Even if there's nothing she'll let you do, she may remember you kind enough to ask!

And do what you can to stay grounded! Not only will it help you, but it'll help others too when things get difficult at work.

[pueppi]

I hope you find work which fulfills all of your needs sooner rather than later.

[Elliemare]

I decided to try to deal with it by "killing with kindness."
It seems to be working a bit too. Maybe that would help for you?

I have been doing that. I try killing her with kindness and it does work, or at the least it makes her feel a bit guilty when she talks down to me for no good reason and I think she realizes that she's wrong when she speaks to people that way.

Maybe take a minute to find out what makes her job difficult?

I offer all the time to help her out. Its sort of backfiring on me now. It seems the more I offer to do, the more she expects of me and she's got me doing tasks that are not within my job description and showing no appreciation.

The spa actually runs a lot more smoothly on the days that this woman isn't present. The mood is brighter and everyone operates more efficiently. She is the type of person that makes simple tasks 10 times harder than they need to be and she interferes with the rest of us so that we are as inefficient as she is!

The worst part is the comments that imply that we therapists and technicians are lazy or don't want to work?? I don't get that? Plus the comments about how we're expected to work like dogs on the busy days with no regard to our health or wellbeing? And the constant overloading our schedules with as many as 8 clients in 8 hours, again with no regard to our needs or limitations. What does she think she is accomplishing by saying those things to us? Does she think that this spa is the last place on earth to work? Not all of us are willing to accept that kind of treatment.

I hope you find work which fulfills all of your needs sooner rather than later

Me too! And I will. Its just comforting to know that I do have a plan. Its just the waiting for the right time to put that plan into action that is killing me, but I'll make it!

[Elliemare]

I'm getting really impatient for that retirement date to come.

The spa owner informed me that she wants to have a sit-down with all employees and discuss her expectations and have everyone sign a contract. She said she should have done this a lot sooner but was too busy. I will feel strange sitting there pretending like I plan to be a long term employee and sign a contract when I know I won't be there more than another one-two months at the most??

I don't know if I should have a talk with her at that time and mention my plans to retire soon? Should I just play along and give a two-weeks notice when that time arrives? I really want to tell her that retirement is right around the corner. It might get her mother off my back when it comes to the administrative duties if she knows I'm not going to be there long-term. That would make my remaining time there a little more tolerable, I think.

I've also been experiencing a lot of elbow pain lately. This is new pain. I've dealt with wrist and thumb, but never elbow. Some days I guard it so much I end up with shoulder, neck and even jaw pain. I feel like I need to mention this to the spa owner as well, especially if I'm expected to see 12 clients a day for a four day weekend covering black friday.

[pueppi]

I don't know if I should have a talk with her at that time and mention my plans to retire soon? Should I just play along and give a two-weeks notice when that time arrives? I really want to tell her that retirement is right around the corner.

I think it depends on badly you need the job.

Personally, I would tell them, unless I didn't have enough money in the bank to float me on the off chance they diminished my clients or decided to let me go early.

[Elliemare]

I don't know if I should have a talk with her at that time and mention my plans to retire soon? Should I just play along and give a two-weeks notice when that time arrives? I really want to tell her that retirement is right around the corner.

I think it depends on badly you need the job.

Personally, I would tell them, unless I didn't have enough money in the bank to float me on the off chance they diminished my clients or decided to let me go early.

I think I will mention it if our "sit down" happens sooner rather than later. She really can't reduce my workload at this point, I'm the only daytime person she has.

If the sitdown doesn't take place soon. I'll wait until the end of the month, then I'll be starting class and won't be at the spa more than 12 hours a week anyway. During that time, I'll make it known that retirement is on the horizon and I won't be there past the end of the year at the latest.

[Elliemare]

I finished this book and another one called "Safe People". http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-T ... 0310247454 It was very helpful. The book broke down and analyzed different types of boundary issues and where their causes come from, how to set boundaries and stick to them and how not to feel guilty about setting boundaries! It helped clarify a lot of the stuff swimming around in my head already that I couldn't compartmentalize on my own. I did feel guilty quite often when I've tried to set boundaries in the past, and now I know I shouldn't! I'm disscussing it with my counselor too.

I start nurse aide training soon and will be cutting back to 16 hours/week at the spa. I'm so looking forward to it! I'm fearing giving my notice when the time comes however. The owner never had that "sit down" she mentioned, so I haven't had the opportunity to tell her that retirment is on the horizon for me. Plus, I just got the invitation to the annual Christmas party! Now I do feel guilty.

I'm so tempted to just tell them that my elbow issues do not allow me to do massage anymore and I have to quit, doctor's orders, but I feel I need to be honest for myself. I just don't want to upset them and burn any bridges? I really should be firm and honest, I know that, but its so hard!

[maestra]

I'm so tempted to just tell them that my elbow issues do not allow me to do massage anymore and I have to quit, doctor's orders, but I feel I need to be honest for myself. I just don't want to upset them and burn any bridges? I really should be firm and honest, I know that, but its so hard!

Be firm and honest but Speak Your Truth.

"I'd really love to attend the party but in light that I will be cutting back my availability when I start my CNA training, I will understand if it doesn't work out. I am pursuing CNA training because I want to keep the joy in doing massage."

Where I work we're losing a MT co-worker next month... she's decided to go back to school for skin care. (I think she was feeling a bit burnt out too, and doesn't have the stamina to do long days standing doing deep tissue work. The spa was her first massage job out of MT school & she's been with us 2 years.) They've already said they'd love to have her back when she's completed her skin care training.

Speak your truth, honestly, plainly.
People will respect you more for it... and for doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.

[Elliemare]

Well, its finally all out in the open now. I spoke to the owner today. We really had no choice but to discuss the matter since my schedule is changing next week.

I tried to break it to her gently, but I did make it clear that I may not be returning following my schooling. I did say I would try to help her out with shift coverage as much as I could up until the end of the year. I explained that I must retire before I begin to hate massage. I also told her that I've decided that I will no longer be doing massage at all after the first of the year.

She understood and said there would be no hard feelings. I think I rambled at bit too much, but eventually got straight to the point that it had nothing to do with her establishment rather it has to do with my needing a change of pace and the opportunity to try something new at this stage of my life.

I'm relieved to have gotten that off my chest!

[riversinger]

Glad to hear you finally spoke up & told her you will be leaving. In the meantime though do take time to see someone about your elbow - preferably someone who can combine some Myofascial work along with Structural Integration as it would do a great deal to relieve your pain & keep the arm more functional too.

[maestra]

Glad to hear you finally spoke up & told her you will be leaving. In the meantime though do take time to see someone about your elbow - preferably someone who can combine some Myofascial work along with Structural Integration as it would do a great deal to relieve your pain & keep the arm more functional too.

I agree... CNA work is very hard on the arms, shoulders and back. There can be a lot of lifting/repositioning of patients, etc.
You don't want to start working in that field with a pre-existing injury, IMO.

Glad you came clean with your current employer too. I hope the transition goes smoothly for you & the spa.

[Elliemare]

Well, I was glad that I had discussed matters with my employer... now I'm not so sure???

Since I informed her that I am seriously considering retiring by the end of the year, I think I'm being phased out. I totally understand, she has a business to run, but she hasn't hired anyone new to cover my shifts and I am making myself available to help her out as much as I can. (Schooling is only 3 weeks - 15 weekdays, its not like I'm going to be gone for MONTHS or anything!)

Today I get to the spa expecting to see a pretty full day (it was booked full earlier in the week). I discover that a regular client who requested an appointment with me has been moved to another therapist because of "seniority". I mentioned that this person asked for me specifically. I was told I have to type it in the "notes" in the computer in order for the appointment to remain with me otherwise it could get moved to someone with more seniority. (this is the first time I have encountered this company policy since I began working there, totally new news to me.)

Then I notice that another client was moved from my book to the owners book (I guess "seniority" once again????) So, I went from having a full day to having two clients, one in the early AM and one again in the evening. I'm just hoping that this isn't out of spite?

PLUS, there were problems with her payroll company this week and my paycheck was never deposited into my account (none of the other therapists have been paid either) and we were informed today that it may be another WEEK until we get our paychecks!

All this when I was just starting to consider "semi-retirement" and staying on at this spa 1-2 days a week in the future... now I'm reconsidering that idea.

[maestra]

Today I get to the spa expecting to see a pretty full day (it was booked full earlier in the week). I discover that a regular client who requested an appointment with me has been moved to another therapist because of "seniority". I mentioned that this person asked for me specifically. I was told I have to type it in the "notes" in the computer in order for the appointment to remain with me otherwise it could get moved to someone with more seniority. (this is the first time I have encountered this company policy since I began working there, totally new news to me.)

Then I notice that another client was moved from my book to the owners book (I guess "seniority" once again????) So, I went from having a full day to having two clients, one in the early AM and one again in the evening. I'm just hoping that this isn't out of spite?

That happens where I work all the time.

[Elliemare]

It just seemed odd to me since the opposite usually happens. I've got clients booked when people with seniority don't. I'm usually the one who has to point out to management that the senior therapists need to have some clients too.

Plus, this "new" rule that I have to put in the notes that the client requested me?? Where did that come from? One of the senior therapists mentioned to me last night that she didn't think it was fair to me either (almost as if she knew it was done out of spite) Its like these people just make the rules up as they go! There is no real structure to the general operations of this place, they all just fly by the seat of their pants!

Then the paycheck thing! Its like "what next"??? No one got paid this week and the payroll company said it may be another week until we DO get paid! The owner just shrugged her shoulders like its not her problem. When things like this arise, she acts like she's just another staff member, not the owner of the business. When she's mad about something, then she becomes the boss.

I guess this is just another reason to get out of that place. I still can't help but wonder if my clients were moved (since this is something that NEVER happened to me before) is because I'm going to school? Is it spite? If so.... yet another reason to get out of there! It just upsets me that she would do this to me when I'm trying to help her out as much as I can. I only have 12 more days of school left and then I can go back to day shift and I promised her I wouldn't drop any bombs on her or leave her hanging with no help. Seems like she's ready to drop me though?

[pueppi]

Well, I was glad that I had discussed matters with my employer... now I'm not so sure???

Since I informed her that I am seriously considering retiring by the end of the year, I think I'm being phased out.

<snip>

All this when I was just starting to consider "semi-retirement" and staying on at this spa 1-2 days a week in the future... now I'm reconsidering that idea.

Elliemare... your post reads as though you are back-peddling. Originally, you mentioned you were retiring at the end of the year... not considering it. That would make perfect sense why you would be "phased out".

There is nothing wrong with only "considering it", but the language sounds like you have changed your mind again. I firmly believe that when you make plans like this and tell others about them... you should either make them flexible or firm. And, if they are firm, but you end up changing them to flexible ---it can be very confusing to those around you.

Here is what I am relating my thoughts to. Previously:

I don't know if I should have a talk with her at that time and mention my plans to retire soon? Should I just play along and give a two-weeks notice when that time arrives? I really want to tell her that retirement is right around the corner.



I think it depends on badly you need the job.

Personally, I would tell them, unless I didn't have enough money in the bank to float me on the off chance they diminished my clients or decided to let me go early.

And:

I explained that I must retire before I begin to hate massage. I also told her that I've decided that I will no longer be doing massage at all after the first of the year.

edited: found the answer to my questions about CNA course schedule in your post & more typos

[maestra]

Plus, this "new" rule that I have to put in the notes that the client requested me?? Where did that come from? One of the senior therapists mentioned to me last night that she didn't think it was fair to me either (almost as if she knew it was done out of spite) Its like these people just make the rules up as they go! There is no real structure to the general operations of this place, they all just fly by the seat of their pants!

Honestly, this is the type of stuff that happens to me too. Clients have to Request me. Then it is noted on the schedule. If a client does not request me personally they will be assigned with who is available. Also I have had my personal clients come in over time because it was easier schedule wise to see them @ the spa. And the manager told them I was not on one day, so they would have to see her. Except I was on call, which means I have to be available to the spa that day. So now she sees that client and her husband and occasionally I will run into them at the spa. I just try to let it go. They could request me if they wished.

I still can't help but wonder if my clients were moved (since this is something that NEVER happened to me before) is because I'm going to school? Is it spite?

The moving of clients, as I indicated before, happens all the time in the spa business. Where I work, it is sometimes to even out the workload between the therapists. And in a way, I can understand that, better to share the workload than to risk burning out or injuring someone, right?

Could it be because you've mentioned before it's not fair to the senior therapists for them to put all the work on you? Maybe they finally took your advice? Could it be because of spite? Sure it could. But I doubt there is much you can do about it even if it was.

When company policies are not put in writing, the owners/managers can change them whenever they want. And they don't always take the time to tell all the employees about the changes either.

Is what they do annoying? Yes, but we can't control other people. Only ourselves. Try to let those annoyances go and concentrate on excelling in your CNA training. Trusting that your behavior & willing spirit at the spa will "speak for itself" about your dedication to the MT profession and the spa in which you work.

I only have 12 more days of school left and then I can go back to day shift and I promised her I wouldn't drop any bombs on her or leave her hanging with no help. Seems like she's ready to drop me though?

Maybe she's trying to make your CNA training easier by easing your load at this time? The only way you are going to know is if you actually ask her. None of us know her, none of us are mind readers. Personally, I would concentrate on your CNA training and do what is requested of you at the spa during your training. Then after your CNA training, you can look back at the time period and see if there is a pattern and if you need to go to the owner or manager and discuss it further.

[pueppi]

I will say, that years ago I worked at a large Day Spa, and this was the norm. If the owner didn't like someone after a while (he was finicky and would change his likes and dislikes on a weekly basis) he would start to move their clients out of their books. You could watch it happen right before your eyes on the computer screens, which were placed in 4 areas of the day spa... and like clock-work the therapist would eventually drop out of sight. Sometimes he would decide after two weeks, if the therapist didn't leave, that he "liked" them again, and would start to fill up their books again. It was all very random.

Try to let those annoyances go and concentrate on excelling in your CNA training.

<snip>

The only way you are going to know is if you actually ask her. None of us know her, none of us are mind readers. Personally, I would concentrate on your CNA training and do what is requested of you at the spa during your training.

I absolutely agree!




edited for typo